Most 12 year olds wouldn’t even have the vocabulary to interpret what’s happening to them in that moment, much less be able to describe it to another person once it was all over. So there’s basically zero chance that same child would have the knowledge and maturity needed to talk themselves out of it.
As adults we wonder why she didn’t just run away? Or scream out for help, or at the very least, not follow the bully’s commands? SHE WAS ONLY 12 YEARS OLD. And these girls were supposed to be her friends! Maryann most likely had never seen or heard of anything close to this type of behavior anywhere before. Not at school or on TV or in movies. With nothing in her memory to reference she was most likely disassociating from the shock & horror.
This also happened several decades ago when such traumatizing, abusive behavior was considered to be just “stupid, junior high behavior” (sorry, Kevin, but it was an insensitive & dismissive comment) so the bullies most likely wouldn’t have been punished anyway. In fact, Maryann, if she did tell anyone, was probably asked what she did to provoke the other girls, which would’ve been quickly followed up with a “pick yourself up by your bootstraps” dismissive pep talk and finally, Maryann, was likely scolded & grounded after returning home with missing/damaged clothing instead of being held & comforted for surviving such a brutal & humiliating kidnapping & sexual assault. Was there any other path for her to take besides self blame??
Maryann, you are an amazing human. I hear you, I see you, I believe you and I’m proud of you.
As the curator who workshopped the story with Maryann, I did not intend to be dismissive of her trauma in the slightest bit. I was contextualizing the fact that countless people have ended up traumatized by bullying in or around the junior high era of their lives, partly because our culture has for so long had a “kids will be kids” attitude about bullying among kids that age, and a lot of hazing stupidity ends up metastasizing into abuse.
I said: At the same time that it was as traumatic as it was, it was also ridiculously, insanely stupid junior high behavior, out of control.
Maryann replied: 100 percent. “Mean girl” shit, for sure.
Most 12 year olds wouldn’t even have the vocabulary to interpret what’s happening to them in that moment, much less be able to describe it to another person once it was all over. So there’s basically zero chance that same child would have the knowledge and maturity needed to talk themselves out of it.
As adults we wonder why she didn’t just run away? Or scream out for help, or at the very least, not follow the bully’s commands? SHE WAS ONLY 12 YEARS OLD. And these girls were supposed to be her friends! Maryann most likely had never seen or heard of anything close to this type of behavior anywhere before. Not at school or on TV or in movies. With nothing in her memory to reference she was most likely disassociating from the shock & horror.
This also happened several decades ago when such traumatizing, abusive behavior was considered to be just “stupid, junior high behavior” (sorry, Kevin, but it was an insensitive & dismissive comment) so the bullies most likely wouldn’t have been punished anyway. In fact, Maryann, if she did tell anyone, was probably asked what she did to provoke the other girls, which would’ve been quickly followed up with a “pick yourself up by your bootstraps” dismissive pep talk and finally, Maryann, was likely scolded & grounded after returning home with missing/damaged clothing instead of being held & comforted for surviving such a brutal & humiliating kidnapping & sexual assault. Was there any other path for her to take besides self blame??
Maryann, you are an amazing human. I hear you, I see you, I believe you and I’m proud of you.
As the curator who workshopped the story with Maryann, I did not intend to be dismissive of her trauma in the slightest bit. I was contextualizing the fact that countless people have ended up traumatized by bullying in or around the junior high era of their lives, partly because our culture has for so long had a “kids will be kids” attitude about bullying among kids that age, and a lot of hazing stupidity ends up metastasizing into abuse.
I said: At the same time that it was as traumatic as it was, it was also ridiculously, insanely stupid junior high behavior, out of control.
Maryann replied: 100 percent. “Mean girl” shit, for sure.